I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
