Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
