My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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