I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
