Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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