Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
