i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
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bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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