I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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