I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
