he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize