I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
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all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
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Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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