So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
