How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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