My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
