We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
