I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
