its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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