There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
