Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
