It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
