his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
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failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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