Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We got so high we made milksteak
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
