Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
