Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize