She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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