mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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