OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
