The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
