Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
