alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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