I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
