My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
