He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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