all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
