he thought i was a dude.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
