Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
