you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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