I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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