I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
