there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
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If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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