i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
