do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
