I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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