i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
