I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
