If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
