I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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