Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
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I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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