All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm too high and old for this...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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