it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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