There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
