Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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