If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I believe in your delicious
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
