i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
