I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
