Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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