when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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