12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
