It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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