Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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