Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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