Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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