What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
