just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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