Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
