All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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